Cooper Can't Hear Me

How was school today?  Play with any kids? Very frustrated 4-year-old Ella answers.. I tried to talk to Cooper, but he can't hear me, and he has a funny thing in his ear.  Fast forward to Cooper's 3rd birthday party, well remembered mostly because it was at a playground on Folly Beach that I didn't know about, not so much for Cooper.  I learned that Cooper has a hearing aid.  He's seemingly a normal kid otherwise.. even frustrates his dad just like all kids when they're overwhelmed at their own birthday party.  But a brief conversation I had with Cooper's grandmother enlightened me that Cooper's hearing aid was a visual representation of greater health issues; apparently, Cooper was lucky to be alive.  Wow I thought, that's great.   I explained as best I could to Ella about the hearing aid, but nothing more because I didn't have a real background on the history of his illness - and honestly didn't think too much of it.

Cooper was on the front page of the Your Health section of the Post and Courier this morning.. I wish I had known more when Ella was in class with him, what a great lesson that would have been for both of us.. (it's hard to see past all the minutia sometimes, nightmares like this help with perspective).   Cooper has neuroblastoma.  He was diagnosed at 6 months old, his liver riddled with tumors.  He had to undergo chemotherapy, bone marrow transplants, radiation and other painful treatments. I had absolutely no idea  what a big deal his 3-year-old birthday party really was.  We truly were celebrating not only his birth, but his life.

Cooper Cates and Chase Ringler - February 8, 2011 Post and Courier

Stalking Mikael Blomkvist

I read the Millennium Trilogy in like a month.  Every time I referred to the stories I would say Switzerland instead of Sweden.  George would roll his eyes at me like I was a dumb ass.  I would just look at him and be like what?  This is because my geographical knowledge of both of these countries is nil.  I had the most difficult time even picturing Switzerland/Sweden when I was reading the books, which was a little disruptive for my reading comprehension flow.  Nevertheless, the stories were awesome.. and I saw the Swedish versions which fulfilled  my visual ineptitude (at least roughly..). 

Well guess what, as it turns out I will be visiting Sweden for a month this summer, which will cure yet another geographical hole in my personal map.  Had we not gone to Holland two summers ago that hole would also remain.   It doesn't embarrass me that my knowledge of geography sucks.  I have found that I'm not the only one.  Not that this makes it OK.. because if it wasn't for my husband I would remain forever confused.  So this year's home exchange will be to Sweden, where they speak English and where we will experience one of the most beautiful Scandinavian countries.   Skål!

Kicked Out of Kindergarten

First Day of Kindergarten, August 2010

 The general consensus in our house before Ella started kindergarten was that there was great potential for her to get kicked out.. this thought process was based on her preschool experiences.  Ella attended many (too many to count but just to estimate I'm going to guess 5, may have been 6, I try not to think about it).  Needless to say, she not only did not get kicked out, she is a kindergarten super star.  It is past midway through the year and she has never had a timeout, and on top of that she is the top kindergarten reader.. what? oh yeah, I said it, top!

Excerpt from the school news letter:  

Accelerated Reader News 

The top 3 readers from each grade are

 
Kindergarten                       First                            
Ella Fritz                              Jack Kronsberg          

Jonathon McDaniel            Ella Drew Dodd           

Sora Shirai                          Daniel Barney  

           
Maybe it's not necessary to show proof, but believe me, had you been living with this child for the last 6 years, you would want to see it in writing too.  It's not that I ever doubted her intelligence, I just doubted her ability to respect and listen to her teachers.  But she has, so not only is she smart, she's also well behaved (not perfectly behaved, but she's definitely become a good kid).  So why my need to share this information.. it's a measure of guilt.  I talked smack about this little girl of mine for years and years.  Complained and solicited advice and asked for help.. it was years of relentless misbehavior and tantrums.  I had one teacher let me  know that people were going to tell me there's something wrong with her, she assured me there wasn't.  This was the same teacher that wrote me an awful letter telling me that families were threatening to pull their kids out of her school because of Ella's behavior, she was 2 years old at the time.  I went to one parent -teacher conference when she was 3 (different school than when she was 2) where the teacher had glorious things to say about her intellect, but when I asked her to be honest about how many tantrums she was having a day, she said - Well.. Today she had five.

I shouldn't have started, I'm going down the wrong path, because I've decided to start bragging about her.  Shamelessly.  Those years of hellaciousness are over, and we worked really hard to get where we are.  I have one friend who always had my back when it came to Ella.  Never agreed with a bad thing I said about her and always defended her.  She still does.  She's one person I feel very comfortable bragging to, she does the same about her son.  It took her 6 years to get pregnant and I feel her gratitude is much stronger than mine.  It's good to have a person like that in your life.

I am grateful for my daughter, I am fiercely proud of her and I am so happy to be boasting.  A lot of times we woman are self-deprecating and we do the same thing with our children.  We're looking to commiserate and know we're not alone.  I took it too far, I was enveloped in it.  I see the light though.. thank you Ella.

 

Wishing My Life Away

You can either clean up your toys, have a bath, or go straight to bed.  There, I gave you three choices like you asked.  No, I want 15 choices.. Oh, OK.  Because you're three, I definitely want to think of 12 more choices just so you'll be quiet.  You know what, here's a phone, call me when you're six like your sister.  

Unfortunately, when you're six, I'll be 39, well on my way to 40.  Not that that's an issue for me, it's the fact that I keep wishing you through your life, and in turn wishing my own life away that I find disturbing.  Today Ella told me that I was so much prettier when I was younger.  In my defense she was referring to my wedding photo where I definitely looked pretty.  I explained that everyone looks their absolute best on their wedding day and if I wanted to I could still look like that.  Well, no I probably couldn't, but it felt  like the right thing to say.  Because right after we got married I got pregnant with Ella, and man did I wish those baby years away, and now she's a rock star kid and I'm doing the same thing with Cole.  Three is so cute, and his nickname is Squish.. but it's so hard.  It's determined, and stubborn, and it never listens (definitely not the first time).  I can't use the same methods I used with Ella - which is fine because I wouldn't want to revisit Ella's three-year old year - but I wish I could figure out how to make each day less of a struggle, so I could stop wishing them away.

My Wedding - September 20, 2003

Remember When Carrie Bradshaw Smoked?

Carrie smoked in cabs, she smoked in her apartment, bars, walking down the street, wherever.  It was part of her character, part of who she was.  Season 1 is on right now, the E Channel is showing back to back episodes from 7 to 8... the same time of day I habitually go outside and smoke about it with a glass of wine.  Two nights ago they showed the first episode, the one where she meets Big.  I think I was too hung up on her smoking to really re-appreciate the moment.  The fact that I was inside watching it should have made me grateful that I had the willpower to not be on the porch, instead I was consumed with knowing my willpower never lasts very long.

How is it possible that I still smoke with all we know about it?  Easy, it's part of my life.  In the scene where Carrie picks up Charlotte in a cab to talk about how a guy wanted to have anal sex with her, Carrie had to have a cigarette.  Then they picked up the rest of the girls, but no one else had to smoke.  Just Carrie.  Now for me, in order to have a really good conversation, almost all of my friends smoke about it.  It's like it's part of the conversation.  If I was Carrie I feel like there would be less of a want if it was just me.  It's like a social trigger though, and I'm not alone.  If no one I knew smoked, I would not smoke.  It's just a fact.  I wouldn't have cigarettes available and I wouldn't be motivated enough to go get them.  My husband quit a few months ago, but he is the only one I know who has stuck to it.  So I guess it's up to me to figure out if I can still hang out and not smoke.  Well, I know I can, but I don't know for how long.  In the mean time I'll be watching very old episodes of Sex and the City, hopefully I'll last up to Season 4 when she gives quitting a go.  Carrie does it for Aidan, I'm trying to do it for me. 

The Gym Won't Make You Thin

It's that time of year again.. when the gym regulars bitch about the after-New Years rush, which usually lasts about a month.  When the rush is over the regulars comment how it's finally back to normal (i.e., a few machines empty here and there and less crowding in the classes and weight room).  I've been going to the same gym for 6 years, so this routine if very familiar to me.. I'm usually with the after New Years rush, since I'm generally a slack ass for the months of November and December.  That's my routine though.  Workout really hard for 10 months and then give my body a big fat break when it starts to get cold and I can run around outside a lot more with my kids (when it's hot here, there is no playing outside.. there is only going to the pool or to the beach, then inside for endless hrs of AC).  But I know it's not the gym that keeps my weight in check.  The gym is for mental and physical wellness, toned muscles, limberness, etc.  But unless you are training for a marathon or triathalon, or some other major athletic event, working out will not make you thin.. it'll make you feel good.. but it won't make you thin (neither will breast feeding for that matter, but that's a whole 'nother story).  

So here's the secret... Eat less.  Less is more.  Did you hear about the Twinkie Diet?  There was some serious controversy surrounding it, but it made sense.  The bottom line was that your diet can consist solely of Twinkies and you will lose weight.  But you'd need to eat about 600 calories a day of only Twinkies to make this happen.  It does however highlight my point. 

OK, what's really my point?  I recently hung out with my friend whose average exercise log time for the week is about 15 hours in the gym where she "double dips" (my slang for exercising twice in one day.. you know, weight room and a class, or two classes in a row).  I tried using Cole as an excuse why I haven't been and she really gave me shit.. So this blog is one big fat excuse why I haven't exercised in 2 months.  On January 3rd I will revisit my yearly habit of shamelessly walking into the gym like I haven't missed a day (or 60 but who's counting)... and for the next 10 months I will work out hard and pay attention to what I eat.  But for the past two months, just knowing that the gym won't make me thin has gotten me through the holidays without too much angst of missing all those days in one of my favorite places.  Which is why although I know it won't make me thin, the gym will always be a part of my life (i.e., because it makes me tone, and limber, and makes me feel really really good).

Candy Crisis

When I was around 3 years old we were at the pool club snack bar and I wanted a cupcake.  When I was finished with that one I wanted another.  When I wanted yet another one, my mother said no.  I lost it and she carried me out screaming, leaving my sister there with a neighbor to take home. After I heard the story I asked my mom why she didn't just give me the cupcake..she said, "I don't know, why didn't I?"  Well, guess what.. now I know.

My son would like to live in Candy Land, with confectionery sugar-lined roads, and gingerbread houses covered in candy for him to eat at will.  This kid has a problem.  Yesterday I took him to a store where the entrance was lined with junk food.  He pulled one of those giant lollipops (you know the ones made for all those elephants who eat candy) from the stand in the entrance.  I said no way!  He starts to cry, I picked him up kicking and wailing and carried him outside.  I explained to him that it wasn't going to happen, and if he didn't get it together we were leaving.  He tried to explain through his blubbering.. I can't help it, I want the candy, I'm sowwy.. It wasn't pretty.  But he pulled it together, he held my hand, and we went back in.  The next store we went to had candy canes on the register counter.  While I was questioning the price of one of the items being rung up, Ella is trying to get my attention (this is after I told her to let me speak to the store people without interrupting) so I was ignoring her.  Finally, she says, "MOM!  HE'S EATING A CANDY CANE!"  I look at Cole and he's tearing the plastic off of a giant candy cane from the counter with his teeth!  Nice.

So.. As much as I love this time of year, the candy crisis will be ongoing until at least Valentine's Day.  I'm not giving up though.  I warned him about rotten teeth, rotten brain and fat camp.. I don't mind crossing the line with my threats at this point, because the first thing he said this morning was.. Can I have a cookie??