Home Exchange 101

George has been in a foul mood for a few days.  Couldn't figure out what the problem was but I had some ideas.  Everything about this Thanksgiving weekend gave me something to be thankful for (except the Eagles lost, so that just added to his yuck face).  So I was like is he for real?  If I'm right he's such a baby.  And I was right.  He was contacted by a family in Italy for a home exchange this summer.  So he responded that we would be interested and then he never heard back from them.  It was like a sophomore boy waiting for the girl to call him.  He was constantly checking his email, blackberry, signs from the sky, etc.  I was like, seriously, what are you doing?  There are thousands of homes on the site, go send some emails out and find someone, don't just sit there pouting, you look silly (and you're ruining my weekend).  

One of the reasons George will let me live in my village in my nest I love is because I support doing these home exchanges.  It gives us a chance to see the world and puts George's mind at ease regarding living in one place for so long.  So he sent a bunch of emails and a family from Switzerland who lives in the alps region on Lake Leman emailed us and said they were interested in coming here.  So maybe we will be in Switzerland for the summer (or Italy), either way it will happen, no pouting necessary. 

Happy Birthday Little Girl

Happy Birthday Ella!

November 15, 2010

6 Years Old

 

A Letter To Ella - August 15, 2005

Dear Ella,

You just turned 9 months old.  It is August and it is hot!  You make everyone around you smile.  Wherever we go you squeal at people until they pay attention to you and smile.  You have an amazing personality.  

I hope I am a good mommy to you.  I want you to be happy, now, and always.  I never want to enable you, but I want to support you and guide you and love you unconditionally.  I promise to give you the best life I am able.  I want all your childhood memories to be happy ones.  I want you to look back at our times together and smile.  

I promise to nurture your outgoing, loving personlity, and to keep you giggling and smiling the best I can.  My love for you is unfailing - at 9 months I already feel like we've been through so much together.  I look forward to being there with you through your life.  

I love you Jaji Bear,

Mama

It Takes A Village

These are the people in my neighborhood..in my neighborhood..

I recently read an article about only children being smarter, independent and more adult because they spend more time with adults.  I thought that was interesting.  Ella has always spent a lot of time around adults, not because she is an only child but because we live in a village (both by name and function).  There have always been numerous people as constants in her life that she has talked to like they were her peers (the girls in the picture above live in our cul-de-sac, that's just a small example of my neighborhood...  there are many many more adults she has known her entire life just from our hood).  Honestly, it has always irked me.. this talking to adults like they were her friends.  I want to go to the pool and chill, not introduce myself to each and everyone that walks through the gate and know which house they live in.  Nope.  I do not like it.  Adults are not her friends (specially if they're not mine!).

Anyway, all this adult chatter may be the reason she is so articulate and outgoing, socially gifted, etc.  However, she has had so much trouble grasping the concept of boundaries.  It was cute when she was little and would ask my neighbors what their name was every time she saw them (this went on for at least a year) . Not so cute when the questions have evolved into - how old are you - and - are you Jewish or Catholic (btw, in the south she should be asking if they're Baptist or Christian).  Actually, she should not be asking at all!   There are many more examples of inappropriate questions, I'm sure all age appropriate if you asked an expert.  But I don't care.  It completely irks me.  It irks me that every time there is someone within ear shot she talks to them.  Why?  Is it because she grew up in this environment?  In kindergarten she knows all the kids, she's only been there for a couple months.  When I say all the kids, I mean the kids in all four kindergarten classes.   

I'm completely into the village concept, otherwise I would be living in a foreign country for these very essential years of my kids' lives.  I like the stability of it and the confidence my kids have from it.  I just wish the boundaries were clearer.  It isn't as though I haven't tried.. because trust me, it has a been a constant struggle.  Thankfully, at the ripe age of 6 (well.. she will be 6 on Monday), she has begun to control herself.  She told me she was going to ask someone the other day how old they were, but remembered I told her it wasn't OK.  She didn't do it.  I was so proud of her, because she's starting to get it.  All those hundreds of times being mortified and correcting her are paying off.  Thankfully.  I love my neighbors, but really, sometimes the village feels a little small for my giant mouthed child. 

He Said That?

"For now I'm happy we don't have to pay for, and subject our kids to daycare.  Although most days I suffer some sort of mental breakdown.  Most problems are Brynn and clothes, or Brynn asks, "What are we going to do now?"  We do have her going to school two days a week.  It gets her some outside stimulation but it adds "Bus Driver" to my already huge list of hats I wear (others are: short-order cook, maid, housekeeper, daycare teacher, craft coordinator, heiney wiper, dental assistant, laundry attendant, nurse, shopper, and did I say messy cleaner upper (that one I do the most!)."

I extracted this from a letter my friend James sent me last week.  James, a stay-at-home dad, is married to a college girlfriend of mine.  We sent them some clothes for their younger girls, and James sent us back a thank you box of assorted Tastycakes  from Pennsylvania, because they don't sell those here.  He also included an awesome note catching us up on how they're doing.  Best note I've ever read.  

I have an amazing husband.  He is my partner to the best of his abilities, specially when it comes to raising our children.  But his career is his job and the kids are mine.  It is what it is and there are some things he will never understand, because he just can't relate.  It didn't start off that way but that's where we are and we've been rolling with it.  So the way my friend James described my life, I mean his life, without apology is something I need to acknowledge.  After that paragraph he goes on to say how his wife is training to run a half-marathon.  He doesn't say... but oh, I shouldn't complain or, but things really are perfect, blah blah blah.  He straight up tells it how it is.  I have always loved James, he's an awesome guy, and now I love him so much more for his honesty.  It's not better or worse than my husband's life, it's just a different role with different expectations summarized well. 

I don't know that I would have so boldly put those words into a letter to my friend, but maybe with my friends with kids those things are already understood.. so it's more like what ELSE is going on!  Doesn't matter, it was great to know that I'm not alone and I have a friend who's not afraid to say it - and my friend is a Dad. 

Some Advice - Hard Learned

I'm going to throw some advice out there.  Maybe through some blogger god osmosis it'll do somebody some good and make their mom day a little easier.

1.  Baby Advice: When you are a new mom, and throughout all stages of your child's life, read what the experts have to say, but take the advice that applies to your natural instincts as a parent and the type of child you have.  I made a HUGE mistake of using the Attachment Parenting book by Dr. Sears as my baby bible.  Now this was a huge mistake for ME, maybe others could do well with it.  But I had a demanding child to start with and this book was telling me to give into her every whim.  I mean I wouldn't even let Ella cry, I nursed if she wasn't hungry, and carried her around in the Baby Bjorn until she was 9 months old.  That kid's feet never touched the ground.  She wouldn't be put down.  She couldn't soothe herself, she didn't nap and didn't sleep at night.  I thought I was going to die.  Finally, at her 9 month appointment I asked my doctor.  Mind you I thought I was doing everything right and had never complained or asked the doctor ANYTHING by this point.  He was like "are you ready?", uh yeah Dr. Rhodes, I'm freaking ready.  He said to let her cry.  What?  Hmmm... OK.  That day I put her down for a nap and I timed how long she cried.  Five minutes.  Then two hours of silent sound sleeping.  I should have asked Dr. Rhodes, not Dr. Sears from the beginning.  After Cole was born I read three different books and found that Baby Wise suited him best.  That kid slept through the night at a few weeks.

2.  Toddler/Kid Advice:  In a situation where another child is being aggressive toward your child, say your own child's name (loudly, with force, so both kids can hear you).  This way, the aggressive kid knows you're watching and will likely stop whatever he/she is doing and you can avoid a confrontation with the other kid's parents.  Your goal isn't to discipline the other child, it's just to get them to leave yours alone.

3.  All Ages:  Follow through.  It's very easy to say but less likely to happen consistently.  But it is probably the most important part of disciplining.  Every time an empty threat is made you lose some control, and bit by bit it will wear away completely (it is very hard to regain it).  On one of our park excursions when Ella was around 3 years old I told her it was time to leave.  She said, "why?" and  I said, "because I said so."  We left without drama. I felt the awe of other parents.  This happened because on another park excursion she would not cooperate and I picked her up screaming and put her in the car.  I warned her first and then I followed through (if this makes you uncomfortable pick a park you don't go to often - and if your child isn't a screamer then I'm very jealous).  If they ask "why" when you say you're leaving, I don't recommend saying because I'll give you a treat, or I'll take you to the toy store, or some other bribe just to avoid the confrontation.  Get it over with and you won't have to revisit it. (Well, you may have to do this a few times, but they'll get the point that when you say something you mean it; getting children to listen to instructions can be ridiculously frustrating.)