She's a Genius

Sometimes it is just Fun and Games

Sometimes you just want your kid to stand out for something besides their crappy behavior.  Sometimes you want to be able to talk about something else beside what they did to mortify you that day.  Well my girl can dance.  

I love a good festival.  I love the great live local music, the fried fry food, the animal exhibits, etc.  But most of all, I love festivals because that's when Ella unabashedly shows off what she's got.  And she's definitely got it!  Without fail, someone will approach me during or after watching her dance to tell me that she's amazing (I've also heard you better keep an eye on that one, or oooh, you're in trouble!).  Last week a woman who actually owns a local dance studio told me she was a genius.  Ella has always been precocious and in desperate need of attention from everyone within earshot.  Fortunately the upside to that is she doesn't care if she's the only kid out there shaking her thing, she takes the stage anytime she can.  And who wouldn't like it if someone called their kid a genius? 

Shocked!

Today I dropped Cole off at school and we revisited the kicking and screaming routine, while passing a mom and grandmother dropping off their kids.  After I gave him to his teacher and was signing him in someone patted me on the arm.  It took me a minute to figure out what was happening.  She said to me, "It's OK Mom."  Then the grandmother added, "We've all been there."  What??  Seriously?? This was like the best morning ever, aside from the tantrum of course.  Maybe I have good blog karma.. and I somehow reached out to the blogging universe, because that is the first time that has EVER happened, and it was awesome.

Soooo Glad That's Not Me

Ella at 23 months

Five months pregnant and sporting a nice baby bump, I was picking up 23-month old Ella from pre-school on a rainy day, when she decided to lose her mind and run away from me down the sidewalk of a busy street.  Again, it was raining, I was obviously pregnant and this kid was running away from me screaming like someone was pinching her.  Countless moms walked by me to pick up their kids.  I chased her down the street, and not so gently put her in the car, where I ended up sitting on the floor crying with her (still screaming), totally freaked by what had just happened.  I wasn't just freaked from Ella's behavior, it was more the fact that none of the moms acknowledged me.  None.  And then, about five minutes later, it was over.  She was in her car seat and ready to go home.  Awesome.  

Fast forward  four years.  I was bringing Cole to pre-school and he refused to cooperate (i.e., ran away from me in the parking lot back to the car wanting to be taken home, while screaming with tears streaming down his face).  I left him there.  I went inside to put away his things and signed him in.  I went back out and picked him up kicking and crying and gave him to his teacher, then I left.  How many moms passed me during this fun exercise of mom versus inexplicable nonsensical behavior with only looks of - soooo glad that's not me?

Reminiscing about those spectacular moments, I know that what bothered me most was the response, non-response, judgmental auras of passing moms. Truly.  Because guess what?  I know for sure there was, or will be a moment that you too will be in that same black hole of motherhood.  There are times when a nod, or a smile, or a look of - oh, I've been there sista!.. is all a mom needs to get through those agonizing minutes to persevere.

Sometimes just knowing that - Oh, I'm not alone - is all a girl needs. 

Selfish Mother Syndrome

Selfish Mother Syndrome (SMS) is something I diagnosed myself with after Ella was born.  Many new moms can relate to it's symptoms, which can include agitation from withdrawal of the following: fine dining, spontaneous traveling, red wine, sleeping late, staying up late, sleeping for longer than 3 hours at a time, shopping for yourself,  a good book, adult programming, a car ride in silence, etc.

SMS is also recognizable by a feeling of anxiousness associated with the complete dependence of a tiny baby.  As soon as Ella was born and her little bassinet was placed next to me in the hospital, I panicked.  There was now someone completely dependent on me and I may never truly be alone again (and not in a good way). In addition to the ever present nagging feeling that everything I do from here on affects my baby and everything the baby does affects me.  

Not only was there agitation from withdrawal of the things I was accustomed to doing anytime I wanted, or the anxiety from the complete dependence of another person, there was the guilt associated with complaining about these and any other difficulties associated with being a new mother.  There was a time I would explain to my expecting mom friends to essentially expect the worst for the first three months.  My husband asked me to stop doing that, saying it wasn't the same for everyone.  But really, I felt like it was pretty similar for everyone but no one wanted to say it.  Having a new baby isn't easy, specially in the beginning (The questions: is the baby sleeping?  are you sleeping?  is the baby eating?  did you lose the  weight?  does the baby cry a lot?  breast or bottle?  The answers:  you should put her on a schedule..  you need to let your husband take over a little.. you need to put her on a schedule (see sleeping).. the weight will come off, give it time.. does she take a pacifier.. maybe you should start the bottle.. ).  Everyone of us heard these questions, and if you are a new mom, I can almost guarantee you will. And if you feel like sticking a shoe in someone's mouth, that is completely acceptable. 

But here's the thing, and the best and only lasting piece of advice I got as a new mom, and it even applies to SMS: it's just a stage, this too will pass.  Now that my kids are 3 and 6, I forgot I even fell ill with SMS, and was just recently reminded of it.  It gets easier and it gets better, and it's fine to say that it's not all good all the time, but the times that are good make it all OK. 

Crib Exchange: From SC to Holland

Having a husband who frequently travels internationally and being a stay-at-home mom to a 4-year-old girl and 2-year-old boy is challenging.  So when my husband suggested we do a one-month home exchange (like the movie "Holiday" with Cameron Diaz) with a family in Europe, I thought: See him more in a foreign country or stay here and see him less while he travels more. Foreign country and more husband-time won. So, through www.homeexchange.com we found a family from Huizen, Holland, and they found us.

People from all over the world use the home exchange Web site, which requires a $100 fee for unlimited usage. The basics of the Web site include posting pictures of your home along with a description to see if anyone would be interested in staying there. You also need to provide the dates and length of time you would optimally like to travel. Many weeks went by and many people reviewed our information before "our" family contacted us, and they still needed convincing to come to South Carolina (my husband wrote them a three page e-mail about why Charleston is so amazing). There is no security deposit, credit checks or any other protection for your home or personal items. It's all based on faith and being willing to take the risk, in exchange for a free place to stay anywhere in the world. 

Like our family, the family coming from Holland also had a 4-year-old girl and 2-year-old boy. The next step was preparing everything for them. We wrote house instructions (for appliances, thermostat, linens, phone, computer, etc.), we collected information on Charleston and things for them to do, we mapped out grocery stores and beaches on a road map, we made room in our closets and drawers for their things, we put our personal items in a lock box in the bank and any relevant paperwork we stored at our neighbor's, we scheduled lawn maintenance and we cleaned our car and car seats with a little extra care. This was all in addition to getting the kids their passports, booking our flights, and planning our own one-month trip and complicated agenda (we added side trips from Holland that included France and Belgium). 

When we landed at Schiphol Airport in Amsterdam, we had to find their car (which they left for us) based on a phone call we received at 4 a.m. from the dad the previous day. This was the point in the trip where it dawned on me pretty heavily how risky this excursion was. Nevertheless, we found the car. Then the second most relevant thought regarding the home exchange came; it's just stuff. Essentially, that's what it was all about, exchanging stuff (i.e., your car, your house, your kids' toys) and in return, spending a month in a place that would otherwise be cost prohibitive.  The last significant realization came when we arrived at their house. Before then it had never occurred to me how stressful it would feel to try to maintain and respect the home of the people we were exchanging with. This to me was the biggest downfall of the home exchange. Let's face it, at a hotel, you don't worry if there are hand prints on the walls, or your kid decides to have art time on the kitchen table without paper. 

Of course there were incredible up sides to it, and it was all worth it just for the experience of spending a month in Europe.  The beauty of the home exchange was that we lived there; when you stay in a hotel, you're always a tourist. There was a different feel for traveling this way, where your home base is actually a home. I recommend it for those who are adventurous and willing to take risks. I look at it this way, if nothing else; my 2-year-old knows the Eiffel Tower because he's seen it.

Johns Island Schools - There are Options

A primary reason to move to an area, as anyone with children knows, is good (or great) public schools.  Alternatively, private education is factored into all the other costs of buying a home; adding at least another $1,000 a month to the equation.  When we moved to Johns Island, SC we had just gotten married and were naively hopeful that the public school situation on this rural island within the greater Charleston region would drastically improve.  Seven years later it had not.  I spent months and months researching the options, all of them.  It was time consuming and enlightening.  I am an advocate of public schools.  All of my friends who are teachers work for the public school system in Charleston.  I picked a lot of other mom brains and made a lot of phone calls.  Fortunately, in this area there are magnet schools (St Andrews School of Science and Math in West Ashley and Buist Academy in Charleston - actually Mt. Pleasant temporarily due to structural issues of the building it was housed in downtown) and charter schools (Orange Grove Elementary in West Ashley).  There is also something referred to as "school choice".  There are great elementary schools on James Island where children from Johns Island can go; cut through a little red tape and you're in.

So now, we live on Johns Island, but my daughter goes to an Excellent rated school on James Island named Harbor View Elementary.   Steps to complete this included filling out an inter-district transfer form provided by the schools (sent to my mail box upon request) and writing a letter detailing why I needed to transfer my daughter out of the Johns Island district.  After being denied and then passing through appeal, we were allowed to transfer.  We also had to get on a list to ensure Ella could fill one of the 20 available spots at Harbor View.  We could not be happier with our choice, and are grateful we had a choice.

If your choice is a magnet or charter school, none of the red tape is required.  You just need to put your child's name on the list, in addition to providing basic information, and hope your child's name is picked.  Aside from Buist (which odds are you won't be picked), the other schools will probably eventually get to your child's name, although it may be the week before school starts.  The point is, if you live on Johns Island, and love where you live or are unsure about moving here, know that private schools are not your only option.  There's a whole world of wonderful public schools out there ready to welcome your child.