Selfish Mother Syndrome (SMS) is something I diagnosed myself with after Ella was born. Many new moms can relate to it's symptoms, which can include agitation from withdrawal of the following: fine dining, spontaneous traveling, red wine, sleeping late, staying up late, sleeping for longer than 3 hours at a time, shopping for yourself, a good book, adult programming, a car ride in silence, etc.
SMS is also recognizable by a feeling of anxiousness associated with the complete dependence of a tiny baby. As soon as Ella was born and her little bassinet was placed next to me in the hospital, I panicked. There was now someone completely dependent on me and I may never truly be alone again (and not in a good way). In addition to the ever present nagging feeling that everything I do from here on affects my baby and everything the baby does affects me.
Not only was there agitation from withdrawal of the things I was accustomed to doing anytime I wanted, or the anxiety from the complete dependence of another person, there was the guilt associated with complaining about these and any other difficulties associated with being a new mother. There was a time I would explain to my expecting mom friends to essentially expect the worst for the first three months. My husband asked me to stop doing that, saying it wasn't the same for everyone. But really, I felt like it was pretty similar for everyone but no one wanted to say it. Having a new baby isn't easy, specially in the beginning (The questions: is the baby sleeping? are you sleeping? is the baby eating? did you lose the weight? does the baby cry a lot? breast or bottle? The answers: you should put her on a schedule.. you need to let your husband take over a little.. you need to put her on a schedule (see sleeping).. the weight will come off, give it time.. does she take a pacifier.. maybe you should start the bottle.. ). Everyone of us heard these questions, and if you are a new mom, I can almost guarantee you will. And if you feel like sticking a shoe in someone's mouth, that is completely acceptable.
But here's the thing, and the best and only lasting piece of advice I got as a new mom, and it even applies to SMS: it's just a stage, this too will pass. Now that my kids are 3 and 6, I forgot I even fell ill with SMS, and was just recently reminded of it. It gets easier and it gets better, and it's fine to say that it's not all good all the time, but the times that are good make it all OK.
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